Burdens and Games

Friends are everything. why? need I say? 

I love the term "wing-man" or "wing-woman". As if we ourselves are only one half of what it takes to fly. A second, third, fourth wing is vital. Take offs are tricky.

One can never have too many friends; too many wings. Freedom is freedom. A wing for a wing leaves the whole world soaring. Yet, at this point I have a select few that provide just enough wing span to outstretch. Depth is important too when considering people to be your wings. It's nice to feel someone substantial there balancing you when you throw yourself against the wind. 

I suppose that friends are my life line. Is it this way for everyone? I am an only child. I feel bottled up at times, a captive of my own mind. Without friends I am swimming in shallow waters consumed with my own trajectories. It's possible to drown in the shallows. Best to bring a friend and venture to the deep end. Sharing risks is fun. Not many of us enjoy risking things alone without someone around to hear about it.

I was a serious child growing up. I used to pretend like I was an adult woman. I wore my mother's heals. I wrote out checks. Payed my bills. Drove to work in a lavender plastic car. I made a family. I was busy. 

I had no time for games in my games. There were things to do and places to be. It was just me most of the time, too. No one to depend on. No one to bounce off of. Some stuffed hushpuppies and bears played my wing-men. A doll, my husband. Friends were around when my mother arranged play-dates. Mostly I had to keep things to myself if I was going to be taken seriously. It wasn't easy to share pretend responsibilities. Those had to be my burden. 

I am a serious adult. I am 26. The game of life is real now. I have less responsibilities than I did as a child. I don't have a family or a husband. However, life keeps me busy and my little burdens keep me guessing. I guess about my future. I make estimations, really. They're open ended. Like, when will I succeed? Will I have a family of my own? When will I have a substantial amount of money? How do I become my greatest self? It's easy to get too serious about my life. I long for the pretend checkbook I made out of newspaper and scotch tape. Or all the funny money I stuffed in my purses and forgot all about. Instead I've settled down. I write real bills with my real Wells Fargo's checkbook. My mother's heals are my own. I am not pretending anymore. The jig is up. 

I saw two of my closest friends today, and I was reminded of the extraordinary goodness that comes from sharing in burdens and in games. Laughter swells our conversations, which seem never ending. A tri-pod, the three of us belong together. Warm chinese soup, hot and sour. Rain pelting from the sky outside. The tri-pod wearing bulky sweaters talking about lovers and discoveries. I feel like time never passed since we left off. We're right back at it. The game is happiness. A sensation like, "i'm not in this alone" sets in. We're relieved at times during our visit that the others have felt the same before. My friends are animated. I am comfortable. I am myself. Stuffed hushpuppies once sat as witnesses on my bedspread while I tagged them into my games. Now silenced witnesses are fast replaced by friends making statements, making noise, challenging my perfect world. Suddenly I am in awe. I always told myself I would learn to let people in. I'll keep telling myself until I get it. I realize the necessity of contact. Why lovers love. Why friends friend. Why teachers teach. Why life gets living. Maybe we're not meant to go at it alone. 

One of my friends had her wallet stolen and her car broken into. The other of my friends had no cash on hand. I treated food, gas, and transportation for all of us. Burdens come down sometimes totally unwarranted. As my life propels me into the new year, I am met with numerous burdens I warranted. I am prepared to work harder and work smarter in 2015. I am preparing to manage my money better. I began working with a new company. Dark circles sometimes appear under my eyes unannounced. I could be burning the candle at both ends. I could shut out my friends during this time of great triumph. I could take a stab at life alone. Let her wallet go missing and keep my funny money tucked away in my purse. Let his bus go by without giving him fare. Feed myself and be fat. Choose the silence of a hushpuppy witness over the noise and the new burdens. Except that's not real. I am not pretending anymore. The jig is up. 

There is something unspoken written somewhere about love. It says that love is simple rather than complex. It says that nothing in life matters more than friendship. It says the reason I've worked so hard is to provide for others, in the games I play and in the burdens I face. It says, i'm not in this alone. It defies selfish patterns for which I often fall pray. It asks the tough questions. It makes noise. It's not perfect. It means, friends are everything. 

            

      

   

Girl Made of Wood

The girl made of wood didn't come here on foot;

suddenly there she was on the beach, sitting on the cobbles,

her head covered with old sea flowers,

her expression the sadness of roots.

There she stayed, watching over our open lives.

the morning and being and going and coming, over the earth,

as the day faded its gradual petals. She watched

over us without seeing us, the girl made of wood:

crowned by ancient waves, she looked out

through her shipwrecked eyes.

She knew we live in a distant net

of time and water and waves and noise and rain

without knowing if we exist, or if we are her dream.

This is the story of the girl made of wood.

- Pablo Neruda, Mascaron de Proa (Figurehead of a Ship) 

model, Maeve O'Sullivan - Photography by, Kaley Isabella - Painting by, Paul Scofield  

 A sacrifice was made; women in the long line of fire. Women have stood out; given arms they did not fashion, to defend themselves against languages they were never meant to speak. Men stood with fire; in reverence, in opposition, in lust. In actuality, women stand alone; framed by their own unspoken irrefutable justice: Her sustained myth.

Myth exists in sustained time carried forward through multiple dimensions. Myth touches all who cross it, and the wisdoms translate speakable and unspeakable, tangible and intangible patterns. Myths are not human but told by human. Myths like ocean currents; impossible to trace an origin impossible to contain. I am certain myths are pillars, which stand to hold us up in awe of what is possible.

Joseph Campbell once said, "Myths are clues to the spiritual potentialities of the human life".

Let's bring our attention to spirit, as we navigate our quests and frame our legacies.

Self portrait; New York City, NY -  2014

Why?

Fortunate for us, we find myths in real time. I have often entertained the idea that the diseases humans "battle" are myths in real time, or the 'clues to spiritual potentialities'. The humans I know who "battle" diseases are heros among us, and not all of them are battling all the time.  

My grandmother's has Alzheimer's disease.  Her disease has caused her to loose her short term memory and some of her long term memories. However, she knows me, giving me a great deal of warmth and affection when we are together, yet she doesn't know my name, my work, or how I came to be in her life. She is in, as my father calls it, an eternal present moment. Her face has changed. She is child like. She adores her dolls and stuffed bears. She doesn't resist reality or fight with anyone. She seems to glide through her days in momentary aliveness. On Friday she asked me for my name. I met my grandmother for the first time on Friday, and watch her politely greet the young lady i've been busy becoming. She is the only person I know who is deeply optimistic and curious, learning everything for the first time at 86 years old. 

My grandmother; a girl made of wood. 

Figurehead of a ship: 

...she looked out

through her shipwrecked eyes.

without knowing if we exist, 

or if we are her dream...

I watched the documentary Maidentrip about a fourteen year old girl who sails the world for two years in attempt to set the record as the youngest person to sail around the world alone. There was a point when hours turned into days, days into months, and months into timelessness surrounded by ocean. Without land it's clear that time or reality has no end and no beginning. How is it that dream and reality are so interchangeable? What does disease teach us about the capacity for humans to transcend the physical and meet with reality through another channel? What does it mean to be a living myth? To stand independent of reality as a pillar of potential...

 everything.

Folding

folding unto races. 

I cannot whisper now

breathless stampede  

I am under water

peripheral gates at any angle 

set sail to billowed sheets

folding unto races

five brothers pull the seal 

loaded deception 
folding brothers unto brothers

above soot taps black umbrella faces

below steal cut oats cut bellies for the needy

plunging swollen hunger games  

another typhoon is set to hit the Philippines.

no one runs

the island is praying; people surf the faith  

Tending

Tending. 

Basil flowers in December despite winter’s glacial swell.

A testimonial she audaciously tills.

Seasons rearrange themselves

one man turns left into a thicket, while the other men cross at the road.

one woman reads Camus on a bus after sundown. Her hair is sweaty; eyes heavy. 

one child cries; the courtyard cries. No one is there to hear. They’ve all gone to work.

I am the only witness; and I am invisible.

Full moon and I am upside-down. 

I lit a candle I will only see; still men peer in through holes in the walls.

I can feel their forever justice.

A thousand sorries spoken by mouths of plump lipped angels; their heads slung like rubber bands.

To devils in disguise who douse themselves in bourbon and light matches to the sky.

Fire once. Fire twice. Fire your mouths off at once! 

Talking once. Talking twice. A silent lullaby of lies. 

Sitting in gardens of Juniper and sage wet by years of rain. 

I wonder where the man once went walking into the thicket there

I wonder if he even wept for the children and the bread

missing out on tea. missing out on justice. 

He left it all to Juniper, and years wet by rain.  

Tending.

Cactus flowers in July unfurling hot tin heat. 

A testimonial she audaciously tills.

I am the only witness; and I am invisible. 

Navigations

This month, Apple introduced via press conference that it's latest iPad is 20 percent more slender than the last iPad (thinner than a pencil), operates on a faster processor with a better camera, and harbors a finger print security feature Apple is calling, Touch ID.

The San Francisco chronicle adds Apple's new product introduction falls in line with it's strategy holding an event every October to push the company's newest products before the holiday shopping season.  


This month, people all over the world in discrete conferences with their hearts finally introduced the notion that maybe, just perhaps, the latest feelings he or she has been harboring towards that "special someone" is, in fact, love.


It's hard to tell, where the Touch ID feature came from or why the feature is here, or where Apple is going with it. We have always had 4 number or 4 patterned security features on our Apple devices. Now we have a security brief that trades our fingerprint for entry inside. We have Apple introducing Touch ID to us this October. We have our holiday shopping season to measure whether this feature and/or the others keep Apple's oligarchy steady climbing the commercial ranks. 

One thing to consider, when it comes to the heart, who climes the ranks? Other than our own, how can we establish features that allow fingerprints, touch, and identities to gain access to the most valuable parts of ourselves? In the land of silicon valley, in the city of San Francisco, in homes expected to fill with Touch ID security, how do we keep investing in our insecurities, armor-less-ness, and raw, wild, open hearts?

Technology like Apple's products are user friendly. Love, like many human "products" are not user friendly in the sense that no two humans operate in-love the same way. We can approach an Apple product with some ease because we know the general interfaces, the short-cuts, the rules, the aesthetics- will be constant. We cannot, on the other hand, approach each other with the same brand of ease that Apple has offered us. Human to human touch, lasting love, relationship, pleasure, orgasm, conversation, compassion, understanding- requires a certain depth and insight, which is achieved by investing the most precious things we have: our time, our love, our labor, and our willingness to learn.

These things are not simple like the action of pressing my own fingerprint to open the virtual insides of my beloved iPads. These things are complicated, it's about the fingerprints of my beloved, not my own.



Technology keeps us moving forward ("evolving"), yet instead of moving forward through time (centuries, millennia, epochs) we move forward with the conceptualization, production, and popularization of fascinating innovations that seem to offer us infinite versions of infinite spaces, in infinite solutions. We categorize Apple products into generations and systems. There is an order to what came before, what is now, and what may come to be. Operating on Snow Leopard was ten years ago. Operating on Yosemite is today. Where are you? Are you evolving or are you left behind?  

Two nights ago I watched a documentary called, "The Unbelievers", which profiles two great scientists in modern times, Richard Dawkins and Lawrence Krauss as they make public appearances and speeches on various international platforms. It was fascinating to watch them think together, travel together, and confront religion, science, and other topics. Dawkins is an evolutionary scientist. Krauss, a physicist. Together they inspire masses of people around the world to understand reality, where we came from and where were going, and to behold the preciousness of life from a scientific point of view. Understanding and beholden to nature and evolution, we are able to assume a moral and actual responsibility to our race, societies, and planet, that comes not out of fear, ignorance, or manipulation as does in religion, but from a place of actual knowledge and inspiration to do better.

After watching the Unbelievers, reading about Apple's steady continuation of technologies I am beginning to wonder: how far have we gone with technological product and how far do we need to go? If we are as Dawkins and Krauss say- insignificant today in the spectrum of evolutionary change, but significant enough to make changes that directly effect our future as a race- then, who's driving the evolutionary choices we are making today and how do we make assuming responsibility about our future as a planet and as a race, COOL? 

In California, It's COOL that soon my fingerprint can unlock my iPad. It's COOL that soon my iPad will be skinnier than my last. It's not become COOL to talk about the fact that California is in a drought and we are confronting a water shortage. It is COOL to use dating Apps in San Francisco to meet potential mates. It is not COOL to talk about the fact that the majority of young San Franciscans are using dating Apps such as Tinder to have sex, never call afterwards, complain about that reality, and sign back on for more, and that's COOL. 


I wonder if Apple plays God, or we let Apple play God. Or, if god isn't your cup of tea, does Apple play the evolution card? Every October during the new apple launch, do we let Apple dictate a speedy, shiny, thin, and remarkably expensive evolution that we can control, see, and hear within our life times? Perhaps it gives some of us solace to cozy up next to our latest Apple gadget this Christmas, knowing tenderly that at least some of us had the means to evolve. 

Since when was evolution marketable, measurable, taxable, deliverable? Could technology be the white rabbit pulled out of the black hat of our darkest fears around not knowing our own evolution? To paraphrase Dawkins in The Unbelievers: We can't possibly understand a century of time gone by, nor a millennia, we are disconnected to our evolution as a race, which is so subtle over so much time.      




I connected with a friend of mine in recent weeks, after years of being apart. Our reconnection was wonderful and it makes my heart flutter in the direction of what I suppose feels like love. No App can measure for me what love is, where it comes from, or where it goes. I think we have to be willing to "go there", to invest the most precious parts of ourself for an unknown time. There are so many unknowns. I know when my iPAD unlocks, I do this. I do not know when my heart unlocks. I don't do this. You don't do this. This does this, the heart opens, and then your afraid and fearless at the same time. 

The security features that protect our products are advanced. Are the security features that protect our hearts as advanced? I hope that we keep somethings the old fashioned way. Not every feature of the heart plays by our rules, or the rules written by someone else's version of love. Not every October-December marks a speedy evolution for the must-haves. Not every lover is skinnier than the last. Our own fingerprint is not always more valuable than another's. What is valuable is thinking and feeling combined. Navigating the market and navigating the heart.      

     



           





  

Simple Pleasures

YOU ARE HOW YOU EAT

There is always the saying: you are what you eat. Though, I like to say: You are how you eat. We mustn't forget that food, as much as it is a noun, is also a verb. Cooking and eating is about experiencing pleasure.  That's how I like to look at it.

Sure, some people interact with food methodically, down to a science almost. Like professional runners for instance use food as utility, in scientific senses: 6 raw eggs, 5 mornings, before a 10 mile morning run gives me "x" amount of fuel. Still, not all people need to act with food as fuel like this. Some people act like how food is consumed has no meaning at all. For instance, impulsive bouts of eating at odd hours, overeating until one feels sick, fast food consumption, multi-taking eating while engaging in other activities, and consuming quantity rather than quality of food is of great concern to me. Why? Because in life we must be decisive about our actions, their meanings and consequences. If you are how you eat, if you are how you treat food, then what does that say about how you're living?

FOOD IS ALIVE and YOU ARE ALIVE

Food is alive and so are you. Packaged food, which has been sitting in plastic for weeks or months is like packaged minds and packages that seal immediate gratification for sale. Before agricultural practices spread through the world as the mans by which food would be processed, and before industrial and farming technologies overtook us, people would hunt and gather, which took effort, strength, time, and strategy. Today, the open lands and thickets where once we foraged and killed, are replaced with markets, grocers, and personal gardens, places where we can compactly pick our food with some sense of ease. Yet, how we prepare the food once we bring it into our homes often takes effort, strength, time, and strategy. How to prepare a butternut squash from it's oblong gourd into the oven, into the stew, into the pie, or into the soup? It's no easy feat for folks who want everything fast. Thankfully, the internet now stores millions of recipes that are just a click away. Still, why are people taking short cuts, buying packaged and pre-made foods?

 The highest grossing item in the produce section of markets across America today are items that are pre-packaged, pre-cut, pre-cooked, pre-everything. What gives? I point to "Time" and to American history. 

Time is a concept that Americans misunderstand the most. Americans reason that by buying "ready-made" foods it will cut down preparation and cooking time, so that meals are done faster and families have more time around the table to enjoy themselves. It might very well save time in some moments, but looked at over a longer period of time it cuts down the quality of life in other moments. Cutting, boiling, baking, seasoning, and garnishing is a process sure, but it adds a lot of value to life in those moments, especially when done as a family. Becoming closer to the process of preparing, cooking, and presenting food collectively as a family adds to the richness of the meal and the level of gratitude and understanding when eating. If, for example, children/families don't know the work that goes into planting a vegetable garden, tending to a vegetable garden, harvesting, and cooking vegetables, why should a child or family understand the pleasure and the satisfaction that vegetables bring to the senses, the body and taste buds? Time, then, is valuable only when it is spent and allocated smartly, wholly, and beautifully. Time is not always "saved" when pre-packaged, frozen peas served for supper cause children to throw protests against peas. Don't hate the game (peas), hate the player (frozen peas). Overall, we can do better with our time, I think, and better with our meals. That is if we remain reciprocal with food: The energy (preparation) I put in, Is the energy (quality calorie) I get out. 

Besides Time, American history offers a lens by which we can view how we eat, and why. In the history of American society there is only one reality that hasn't failed to touch EVERY sector of American life, especially, Americans and their relationship to food. That reality is War. WWI was the first war to present the army with new technologies in food preservation that would keep the soldiers fed and fighting. Foods were canned and processed in large factories using hydrogenated oils and other complex chemical additives that kept food on the shelves longer so that the coast of shipping food to soldiers could be kept to a minimum. After the war "ended" military foods maintained available in supermarkets across the country for purchase. These canned and lasting foods, such as SPAM, were then advertised to wives as products that would make dinners quick and delicious, and save wives trips to the supermarket for their long lasting shelf lives. For a generation of women who were stuck in the home and in kitchens for most of the day, cooking, baking, and trips to the supermarket became tiring and repetitive. Canned foods, packaged foods, TV-dinners, were the way of the future, and for most wives of the 1950's a mass "solution" to hurry their expected tasks along. 

In modern times we have a wealth of knowledge about the past and we can track our personal and national relationship with foods and consumption patterns. Today I find that my relationship depends on my ability to be aware of not only what I am eating, but how I am eating, and why. Today, we have more time (it seems) with the advent of technology than we ever had before. Historically, trade is the most open and food companies are the most transparent than ever before about what their adding and subtracting.

 So, it's important to ask oneself to imagine a future with food: Where am I going with food? 

DAILY RITUALS

       
How we eat. How we do anything at all. It has to do with rituals. Scheduling is a ritual. "To-do" listing is a ritual. Eating is a ritual. The best way to have a healthy and beautiful body you're proud of is to make daily rituals that reflect health and beauty. The income meets the outcome. 

MY DAILY RITUALS

Here are 5 of my daily rituals that make a positive effect on my mentality and food consumption, health, and beauty.

1. TEA

I drink tea every morning. I gave up daily coffee consumption two months ago, and I'm never going back. I drink black tea in the morning, one or two cups (early grey, english breakfast, etc). I find that having black tea in the morning lets me "wake-up" smoothly, rather than jolting myself with coffee or espresso. Of course I have an occasional espresso, but only if I decided I am in the mood for a treat, and only when I am out somewhere that serves delicious coffee with a barista who looks like he or she knows how to create something divine. After meals I drink herbal tea to settle my stomach and calm the nerves. I enjoy Ginger, Chamomile, Nettle, and Rose bud. Having a daily ritual of tea drinking is also an excuse for taking breaks in ones day, for taking time out for oneself, and for enjoying time with others- good for those who tend to keep to themselves, forget about slowing down, or have a trouble sleeping. Tea is great before bed.

2. COCONUT OIL

Natural, raw, coconut oil is good for the body all around. I use it to cook with (instead of olive oil or seed oils) and to put on my body after bathing. It makes your skin glow whether you ingest it through cooking or apply topically. Try it!

3.) GETTING EXPERIMENTAL 

I try not to stick to buying the same things at the market week after week. I find that my body and my mind is happier if I think outside of the box and cook foods i'm not familiar with. For example, instead of going through the internet searching for recipes I have never cooked before and then going to the sore, I usually go to my favorite market first and search in the produce section for the most beautiful or intriguing vegetable I can find. Then I buy that vegetable. I bring it home and then I look up the various ways it can be prepared AND (important) I do some light research on what that particular plant adds to my health and wellbeing. Sometimes you find that the plant you chose is high in a certain vitamin or mineral. It makes it all that more special when consuming what you found knowing that it's not only delicious  and new, but rooted in some positive addition to your health and wellbeing. I try to remember that experimentation is about keeping an open mind and being somewhat fearless. Even if I don't cook something experimental every single day I at least try to do one thing that is out of my "normal" consumption habit.        

4. TEND TO ALIVE FOOD 

My good friend Maeve's home is nestled in an area of Northern California called San Geronimo Valley, south of Napa and north of San Francisco. Her home sits on a gorgeous plot of land between towering hillsides. Her mother, who passed away two years ago, tended to their home garden since Maeve was a little girl. Today, Maeve continues to keep her mother's garden healthy and alive, producing beautiful herbs, vegetables, and flowers. Since I don't have the land at the moment, I have to find my own ways to invest in my daily ritual of tending to alive foods. When I visit Maeve I always go into the garden and pick tomatoes that are ripe, and tear off dead leaves where I can. At my house I have one living food that I tend to every day, a small Basil plant that sits in a blue pot. Everyday I go to my basil plant, give it water, and make sure the California sun isn't burning it's leaves too much. I think it is extremely important to tend to alive foods, especially for children to understand where food on the plate comes from. No matter if you are in an urban setting with no space for a garden, at least buy yourself an herb plant (Basil, Rosemary, Sage, etc), and tend to it to keep it alive! The Basil plant that I bought from my local market cost less money that it would have been to buy a large bundle of basil, a fabulous investment, your live plant will bring you more abundance for longer time!

(below: my little Basil plant)

5. SEDUCE YOURSELF

Selecting, preparing, cooking, and serving foods for group of friends or family is always about seduction. The right combinations, the right wine, or the right flavors can really set it off! I truly love hosting dinner parties and being a guest at dinner parties. So, why should I let go of the pleasurable experience of seducing with food when I am in the company of myself...party of one? One of the best rituals I feed into (no pun intended) is to try and seduce myself with food as if I were trying to seduce friends and family. For instance I love to prepare a delicious breakfast, use beautiful dishes, set the table, and put a flower in a vase on the table...even if i'm the only one eating. It's important to make yourself feel good in relationship to food, so that being single or eating alone doesn't stay lacking of pleasure or enjoyment. Just because your eating alone doesn't mean you need to eat quickly or in unhealthy ways. Or the opposite, just because you are cooking for your five children doesn't mean Macaroni and cheese is the only possibility on the menu! To remedy this I try and go out of my way to treat myself, cook with my own desires in mind, and make the food experience as delicious as possible. I try and choose foods that are colorful, in season, tasty, and foods that make me feel good. Try it!

A MORNING BREAKFAST IN PICTURES

Power-Greek-Yogurt and Fruits

          

Ingredients: Organic Peach, Banana, Unsalted almonds, Rasins, Bee Pollin, Macca Powder, Goji Berries

FAGE 0% (or 2%) Greek Yogurt 

Local Pure or Raw honey

Ready to eat Power-Greek-Yogurt and Fruits, and a cup of Mint, Truffle, Chocolate tea (this one by Mighty Leaf)

  

bon appétit!

Get Busy Livin' or Get Busy Dyin'

"All human beings are entrepreneurs. When we were in the caves, we were all self-employed…finding our food, feeding our-selves. That's where human history began. As civilizations came, we suppressed it. We became "labor" because they stamped us, "you are labor." We forgot that we are entrepreneurs.

-Muhammas Yunus,

Nobel Peace Prize winner and microfinance pioneer

Chess is a game of strategy, played by the general inside of us, who loves to call the shots. I wouldn't consider myself a chess player in the slightest, but I enjoy a game once and a while. The first shot is called. The first pawn goes forward two spaces a head of the rest. I always like this first move the most. It's bold, it's swift, and it covers ground. It's the only move in the game of Chess that is indirectly linked to strategy. The idea, it seams, is to move boldly at first, picking a pawn almost at random, and as the game progresses depending on emerging variables only then the general begins to strategize moves thereafter.

What's on the table:

Strategy = a plan of action or policy designed to achieve a major or overall aim.

What's at stake:

In some games. In some places.We simply can't foresee the future. We can only guess, at best. Therefore, grand planning for a future aim means very little to the general who understand that strategy is dependent on many variables.For this kind of general big scheme planning gets in the way of the present opportunity that arrises out of chance. The only way to plan with the lowest risk to loosing the game because of some stubborn need to stick to one strategy is to acclimate to the changing-now, putting masterful, grandiose scheming on the back burner. 

Now what's cookin'? 

This concept of acclimating to the changing-now is never more relevant for the general who calls the shots in modern times in San Francisco, CA, where I happen to live.  In San Francisco, the game is... entrepreneurial, social, technological, and innovative (not your grandfather's game of chess!). There are generals here who play the game standing at attention, or, rather, armed with vegan diets, apple stock, and cruiser bicycles. The Chess board for these humble-looking generals of the West span from the Valley to the City and everywhere in between. Pawns seem to move at leisure here, at times, but the instincts that drive the pawns forward are nimble and creative, riding on current needs. This current is also called the "Wave". Current waves splashing up here in the San Francisco Bay are the ideal conditions for the adventurous minded general who is apt to dive-in head first, of course, with water wings in the back pocket (Just incase of risk).

I left San Francisco in 2013 headed to the shores of Salvador, Brazil, where I stayed for one year at the edge of a more serene tide. When I left my city by the bay I never had the opportunity to join the general quest, to surf the wave of innovation, or to taste the fruits of the Silicon Valley and the treats of Start-up city ventures. 

At that time I defined myself as an artist, thats all, who felt no place with generals calling shots in a land of the brave, the free, and the business weekly. 

Two years later, after moving from Brazil to San Francisco, San Francisco to New York, and from New York back to San Francisco, I am, for the first time in my life, interested in learning about what Silicon Vally, my city, and all the generals are busy building, and why.

My first step on the board is via a book titled, "The Start-up of You" written by Reid Hoffman, co-founder and chairman of LinkedIn, the company "poster child" of Silicon Valley success. In his book, which I am not fully finished reading yet, Reid Hoffman offers excellent points, that are helping me understand the world that he operates from and within, a world that is not separate from the rest, from where I operate (as I thought previously might have been the case). Actually, Reid's "world" is not a world at all, but collections of mind-sets and a skill-sets and competitive edges, which combine to produce entrepreneurial evolution, innovation, and real answers to real needs. 

For so long I fought against new frontiers, which feels like, in the end, you fighting against yourself. I silently protested against learning about technology, business, money, economics, and the ingenuity of the present moment. Somewhere along this road of resistance I had it ingrained that left and right brains don't mix, and that artist minds shouldn't fraternize with the "other" minds or else…….what?

Reid's book (among other sources I am tapping into) allow me to see inside of his mind, his career path, and his expert knowledge on the competitive and inspiring wave we are all riding. Seeing from this vantage point I can overcome my bias opinions about the "tech-world", which were really just built up blockages within myself, preventing me from seeing that in actuality my mind and my aspirations fit nicely in areas I deprived myself from. Pointing fingers is a waist of time, but I can't help but see that I casted myself off. I build barriers to my inclusivity. We do that sometimes, and it's okay. We sell ourselves short of our potential. And then we come up for air one day. Only to breath again from the same source as everyone else, only with greater ease and contentment. 

Here are some excerpt from "The Start-up of You" that I cannot forget:

On staying nimble: "Get busy livin', or get busy dyin'. If you're not growing, you're contracting. If you're not moving forward, you're moving backward"

On diving in: "Entrepreneurs penetrate the fog of the unknown by testing their hypotheses through trial and error"

On Humans: "I discovered my real advantage in the Internet industry was having the ability to think simultaneously about individual psychology and social dynamics on a massive scale"

On Good-Ego: "Most supertalented people want to be the front man; few play the consigliere role well"

On grasping resources: "It's often said that entrepreneurs are dreamers. True. But good entrepreneurs are also firmly grounded in what's available and possible right now"

On Ideas: "The most brilliant idea is often the one that builds on the founders' existing assets in the most brilliant way"

On jugulars: "Only the paranoid survive." Success…is fragile…perfection, fleeting. The moment you begin to take success for granted is the moment a competitor lunges for your jugular"

On immediate gratification: "Clayton Christensen once told graduating students at Harvard Business School, "If you study the root causes of business disasters, over and over you'll find a predisposition toward endeavors that offer immediate gratification"


I see so much similarity in Buddhist philosophy and in ethical entrepreneurial mind. Both carry with them the precept of being one with the present moment. The concepts of longevity, sustainability, and long term gratification in the things that we leave behind in the world. The foot print of the ethical entrepreneurial mind walks lightly and accurately on the earth: less energy emission, low coasts, and happy followers. Similarly walk the buddhist monk: less energy, low coasts, and happy followers. 

What was once on the table was strategy, a plan to an aim. Now on the table are incredible dynamic times, dynamic markets, and dynamic possibilities. What Reid points at is the importance of flexibility and diversity of trades, talents, and skills when actually investing in yourself as an entrepreneurial venture. Plans don't always go along accordingly. Something falls through. The world shifts. We should be keenly invested in all the parts of ourself that might come together in unlimited combinations to provide our highest potential. When asked to step forward and call the shots on our life endeavors, where are the cobwebs? Where is the general inside? Where are the hidden caverns not yet explored?

I am giving myself a challenge that I want anyone reading to hold me accountable to: I will strengthen the parts of myself that are lacking. I will educate the parts of myself that are ignorant and desiring to be intelligent. I will no longer limit myself in my pursuits to achieve success and make a lasting mark on the world. I will integrate the artist and the intellect, the left and the right brain. I will ask for help, work hard, share, and give back. And above all else, I vow to never stop learning.

Diving!

"The unexamined life is not worth living" -Socrates           

   

Shift Hold Stay Show

A multitude of things to report on; it is unlikely that I know where to begin. My first week in a new city is behind me. There are many things that have grabbed me in the past week, one thing is to the matter of human nature, which I have my observance and my clairvoyance to blame for. Watching the humans of New York City is a sensory playground for an anthropologist and a newcomer like myself. Half the time I have the sensation that I am in the savannas of central east Africa, stationed by the watering hole. Here it is just before dusk as the sun's hottest rays leave the grounds cool enough for the lions to begin their hunt. The meat is everywhere. Some meat is branded; some meat invisible; some meat is human; some humans of New York are attacking themselves.

I can't say that the spectrum of human voraciousness doesn't intrigue me or have a place in my nature. What humans do when buzzing together with industry is fascinating. In this city basic survival is driving one wagon and surplus thriving is driving another, while entertainment and fantasy circulates the two wagons into the same current. No matter which wagon you play on your hunger rolls the wheels forward. To this I am just another participant; a huger of my own brought me here, of course. I want apart of the wagon and apart of the current too. Still, hunger for what is the current debate, which is held inside my lust for life. What is my place in the great circle of life and prosperity? Where am I fit to feed? What human of New York am I?

While here in New York City, whilst not knee deep in a consistent feeding frenzy I took some minutes out to listen to diary notes I recorded while I lived in Brazil. My fist reaction was how well rested and spiritual I sounded preaching my "wisdoms" and "poetics" into the recorder. I sound like I figured out how to reach nirvana or something, like I had reached it a few times and was coming down from the tops of the Himalayas just to share the teachings with the villagers. That is how I felt those days in brazil; As a spiritual seeker should feel: unassuming, sure, placid. Well, If that is how it was, I can announce with absolute certainty that I am in quite another place altogether: self-important, unsure, flustered. I can assume then that in life one is never exactly moving backwards or forwards in a liner progression. I may as well say I regressed since the Brazil days, going from sure to unsure, from spirit to human. However, I am going with the notion that one is neither here nor there. Maybe we are all pin balling from space to space, from identity to identity, from bliss to piss, and there is no reason to get too attached to one state or another. Cheers to internal synthesizing and non-linear, multi-faceted being! (Guess it's sort of what rapper Ludicrous was saying when he rapped, "A lady in the streets, and a freak in the sheets". Not so ludicrous now is it!)  

I suppose If I am to be a successful human of New York, no matter who that human might be, life here is going to require of me to actualize my most dynamic, authentic self(s) and bare all of my self(s) as the times call. Being a human of New York of anywhere is being a human who knows when to shift shape, when to hold shape, and when to show.

This goes for people successful at Poker who understand exactly when to shift chips, when to hold chips, and when to show their cards. Another shifty maverick is Superman who for example is both Clark Kent and Superman, who shifts between his identities as needed. His greatest struggle being not with his enemies, against which he is always victorious in the end, but against himself; How, when, and to whom can he reveal his duel identities?

My greatest struggle right now is understanding my potential and capitalizing on my talents and strengths in the "world at large", which is code for self-actualization, which is code for "I think this is a human-life-long-struggle thing, so get used to it, kid". If for humans games and life is about strategies and choices, what are mine? What have my choices been in past, and what can I predict and intend for in future? How, with what, and with whom will I carve into something, crash into something, dive into something wonderful. So that I can say I was here. So that I can realize myself again and again each day of my life. Here we all are; holding onto a dream, a human, a chip, a cape, a hunger, a tiny box in a sea of boxes, a whole self in a sea of selves.
  

state of mind

“We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us. 

The old skin has to be shed before the new one can come.” 

― Joseph Campbell

“I believe you can speak things into existence.”
― Jay-Z

"I really do believe that art changes the landscape of the world."

-Marc Jacobs

Many things happen when you fall in love. Your cells rearrange themselves like furniture in your penthouse over looking central park. Your beyond the milky way with this love. Your soaring where there is no landing pad or safety net in sight, but you aren't concerned with that because your hair is blowing in the wind and you're free. They say when you know, you just know. It's a state of mind that drives you home.

When I decided to move to New York City I felt that exact state of mind; New York State of mind .If you have never been in love before or if you are too afraid to jump in again, my methods aren't for you. Because It is my belief that the most epic of moves and the most worth while acts come from being in love. Over the top, sweep me off my feet, all the cards on the table, nothing and everything makes sense state of mind.

And what better moves to make than with the city that never sleeps, the big Apple. A city certainly worth going the distance for. Because that's the thing about love; when it hits your eyes are kaleidoscopes and you have to give it all you've got or nothing at all. So i'm in deep. Couldn't be happier.

Some people tell me New York City will be rough on me. Drastic seasons, drastic people, drastic attitudes. Yet, drastic times call for drastic measures. My whole life I have been cradled by San Francisco, an incredible city of mine. Still, it's time to get rocked by another. Rocked by east coast time, which seems to race ahead of the world and the eastern light that gives me chills at dusk and dawn. It was drastic falling for Salvador, Brazil. A city who's language and culture moved barriers into bridges for me in a matter of six months. As always you are the captain of your own hero's journey and all the moves you make, between the drastic and the mundane, are your cornerstones and milestones, that seem to create themselves.

16 days until I plunge eastward. For now it's states of mind and the fever of new love.          

simplicity

sometimes there's nothing but this;

the happiness we've already got.

The Art of Movement

Heroine and revolutionary artist of movement, Martha Graham, once proclaimed, "Dance is the hidden language of the soul"

When we discover dance that gives us something, that speaks, that feeds us, that agrees with us, that unearths us, that changes us, that asks us to feel, that destroys and rebuilds us - we are connecting with truth and the invisible world.

When I am creating dance I am unconcerned with conveying any ideas or expectations pre-established within myself, the world, reality. 

I begin stark. 

I begin with the stark canvas so that every stroke is an expression of what is possible. Progress. In my experience the process of creating art is the uninterrupted stream of possibilities which become possible, emotions which become emotional, visions which become visionary. Creating art - for me this is primarilly dancing - is about allowing realizations to come into the body and expressing these realizatoins honestly, wholly, and truthfully.

And though my creative process often begins within "nothingness" - facing a dance without presuppositions - there yet exists something - roots that run deep inside of myself, which ground the process and sway the process this way and that.

For example, I root myself in technique and my training when I create dance. My body must be fine tuned and strong. The tissues, muscles, and ligaments should harmonize to commit to movements and possibilities with ease and precision. My mind is rooted in limitlessness, so I am not frustrated by limits. I remain unconvinced in capping myself off or cutting myself off from movement, direction, and intention. Any impulse, I am witnessing and facing. Intentions in question forms, like, "where I am moving" "how I am moving " "why I am moving" are danced as answers, adding the importance of discovery within dance. In other worlds, discovering something is just as useful in the dance as the discovery itself.

I root my mind in ease and flexibility. I know the only constant is change - changes in direction, syncopation, phrasing, meaning, and emotion. My mind is rooted in a fondness for my self, for the process of creation, and for what is possible. Without this positive self-regured the dance feels constricted and the dancer is uninspired to express truths, instead settles for cover ups and lies. 

Lastly, I am rooted in intuition, dreams, spirit, human emotion and nature. In this way the dance is created from a language that all can understand and find personal and universal meaning within. As with writing poetry sometimes writing what is literal cannot awaken the idea like writing what is metaphorical. Creating dance is the same way for me. Dancing meanings can awaken sensations far more profound than dancing forms. For example the form is a simple raising of the left palm towards the ceiling and the eyes follow the palm. With what quality the dancer follows her hand dictates meaning. How the palm moves upward dictates meaning. How meaningful is this movement to the dancer and why. We give meaning to all movements any time we move. Life is a dance that is entirely up for interpretation. Creating sensational meanings in dance is unique for each dancer. Yet always when the viewer sees dance that is meaningful it is often because the dancer gave the movements intentions, emotions, stories, etc.

 As artists it is our gift to communicate what is meaningful in the ordinary and the extraordinary. So when opportunities present themselves to convey outwardly our truth we do our best to offer truthful intentions - clearly, universally, and with convictions.

My goal as a young artist is to maintain this great wave of creativity I am harnessing now. I awknowledge that I have a healthy hunger to present my work to anyone who will see me, to all interested parties, to the world, to critics, and to the "dance" and "non-dance" communities. I have arrived in a great moment personally to where I feel sensitive enough to expose my artistry and confident enough to support myself in light of every exposure, as each "coming out" is unique and intimidating in their own ways. I am no longer in the belief that funding is most essential to the successful artist and that I am somehow cut off from this privilege. It is never this black and white and I have all the time, the drive and the resources within me to succeed as an artist in all the necessary aspects, financials being one of many. My artistic goals branch out to include two of my most cherished loves: traveling and writing. I intend to travel with my work. I dream of creating meaningful dance within the landscapes of human diversity, natural diversity, and beauty. Writing is an important modality to bridge ties in my work: to write about dance is to tie together what can be nonlinear with what can be linear. To me writing about dance builds a framework for an otherwise frameless subject. I can clothe with words the speechless body in motion. I see dance within words and in poetry just as well as I see dance in three dimensional spaces. I love the notion of working with form and formlessness however fragmented or arranged. 

I danced at The Passion Company's event "Shine" on April 16th in San Francisco, where I presented a performance of an eight minute dance peice. The music to this piece is titled, "Cajita de Musica" by a group called Aikyo, which consists of three instruments: Hang Bells, Cello, and Flute. I love the music because it captivates my attention from the first note to the last. The music is wild, untamed, creature like and nostalgic for something. It calls for an unresolved truth or perhaps a lifetime of seeking. Whatever it is, this music inspires the movement for this piece, so much so that only the beginning and the ending of the dance became "choreographed" after four studio sessions. The rest of the piece seemed to dance itself in practices and especially I felt the dance take on life of it's own in performance.       

My style of dancing/choreography has many detentions to it, many symbols, and this particular piece for the Shine Event is certainly representative of this. My training is based in my experiences and understandings in classical and contemporary ballet, graham, Horton, Silvestre Technique, Orixa dance movement or Afro-brazilian folkloric/traditional dances and symbology. 

My choreography moves through all of these forms, but aims to break out as well into new forms and lines to explore meaning, emotion, and interpretation of my own making. The best part about performing dance that comes from my heart feelings I get to feel while dancing. I feel "right" "natural" "resolved" "risky" "true" "loving" "possible" "open" "grateful" "alive" "happy" "comfortable" "safe" "undefined" "emotional" "sensual" "powerful", etc. A few people at the event after seeing my presentation shared with me their feelings. One person told me they thought I was creature and imagined me under the sea. Another person just hugged me with tears in her eyes and thanked me. A guy named Tyler emailed saying it was fierce and beautiful. 

Knowing my dance connects me deeper with people and to my truth is the greatest achievement.

To taking risks

Creating more

and always being yourself.  

The stunning photographs below were shot by Nina Menconi {www.ninamenconiphoto.com} live at the Shine Event in San Francisco, CA, hosted by The Passion Company {www.thepassion.co}

Special thanks to Jessica Semaan of The Passion Company for granting me this opportunity to express myself and follow my passion. And to my teachers Vera Passos and Rosangela Silvestre for their teachings, inspiration, and discipline. gratidao sepmre.

           Kaley Isabella Dance - Shine - The Passoin Co.

kisabelladance@gmail.com